Final Draft Allusion Poem

"What a spazz" they said,

"This isn't just for anyone" they also said.
They all laughed at my dream

They told me to keep dreaming and

to stop speaking nonsense 

I listened to them and let them 

control my life

As i watch everyone reach their dreams

i get angry

No one believed in me

No one cared encouraged me

As i was about to lose faith in myself i felt a sudden 

urge to try and reach my lifes one goal

I was tired of listening to them and

tired of letting them take a hold of my life

Its time for me to start reaching my goal

No ones gonna stop me

and nothings gonna distract me

No matter how small i am or how weak i am

I'll be training day and night to reach my goal

It doesn't matter if i have to start all over again

I will do anything to play the sport i love

Allusion Poem Graphic

First Draft

"What a spazz" they said,

"This isn't just for anyone" they also said.
They all laughed at my dream

I listened to them and did what 

everyone wanted me to do.. 

After awhile i lost sight of my dreams.

The goal that i dreamed of was crushed

No one believed in me

No one encouraged me

I also had no faith in myself

But the sight of others

dreams coming true got me fired up

it got me determined to keep on trying

to never give up

I was tired of listening to them

"You're too short, You're too small,"

"You're too dumb"they all said.

Ive worked hard on gaining the recognition

I've always wanted

worked hard on my game

worked hard on running to the endzone

"Who is this person", They asked

"Thats my best friend, Thats my favorite player, 

Thats Rudy

Greeks on Madison Ave.

Parent's Comments

1.What piece of writing did you like best in my portfolio and why?
    Your Convention & Presentation is what I like best because that is your final draft where every written thing has been corrected, edited or revised, & ready to be published.
2.What did you like about my portfolio and sharing and what would you like to see me improve on?
   I liked Your Coming of Age Outcome of overcoming your fear being put down & insulted at how you play in sports. I would like to see you improve on your Sentence & Fluency, I believe there were words that needed to be changed or added that would make your writing more effective & beneficial to your Topic.
3.Which of the writing traits (ideas, organization, voice, word choice) do you feel was most successful for me? Your Word Choice was most successful because it suits to your character in your writings.
 
4.Which of the traits of writing would you like me to improve on in the coming semester? I would like You to improve on your Sentence & Fluency Traits in the coming semester. I believe You could do it by not slacking on your responsibilities in your academics in general.

My First Semester Portfolio

www.ranyls1stportfolio.weebly.com

Angry Letter Final Draft

3656 A Salt Lake Blvd
Honolulu, HI
96818

Dear YouTube,

 Ever since I was little I have always enjoyed watching videos on your website. I have always enjoyed
watching what your site has to offer such as nigahiga. thedominicshow, wongfuproductions, etc.

 These past 3 years I have been bombarded with ads that start before a video. Although you have a
skip button on some ads I feel there should be no ads at all to begin with. Also I have also noticed ads
popping up during the video as well and I think it takes away from enjoying a good video because we
are forced to close it. As I attempt to close it, I sometimes miss the "x" mark and end up going to the site and miss a part of the video. I thought YouTube was just a place for home producers to share the videos online and not a way for businesses to advertise their company or products. I feel they are useless and I find it rare for viewers to actually listen to the ad or pay attention to it and look for the skip button. I believe other youtubers like thedominicshow hate these ads as well. In his video ANNOYING ADS, he shows how annoying ads are and how he guesses correctly on what we are seeing before and during the video. He also makes a good point that these ads are useless and no one pays attention to it except the skip button.

I understand that having those ads are necessary to keep the website free of charge and to gain money
but I think have those ads on the right side is better than it popping up during the video or showing a
commercial before the video.

I hope you make the necessary adjustments for the site to be a better place for viewers to watch videos.

                                                                                                                                Sincerely,
                                                                                                                           Ranyl Panarigan